Date: Tue Mar 13, 2001 6:03pm I'm 40 and have feel like a helpless child. I have almost no control over my life. I can't concentrate on anything for very long. My mind just isn't working right. (Can't really explain.) My nervous system is a wreck. That "anxiety cycle" has taken over my life. I really can't figure out why I haven't given up- -except I have two boys that need a "broken mother" more than no mother. My 13 yr. old pokes fun occassonally when I can't remember things. My 10 yr. old doesn't. You see, he's more likely to understand. He inherited some of my genes. He's going through his own "depression." God forbid, I'd never tell his doctor. They might try to put him on anti-depressants. I suffer for him also. I can see the pain in his eyes. It rips me apart. I started him on a good vitamin and a Homeopathic Remedy called 'Despondency." It's seems to help some but I can't read his mind. It's just that I haven't heard him talking about suicide lately. I come from a family with problems with depression. I have a sister who is schizophrenic and lives in foster care. Talk about being afraid your losing your mind after SSRI's. I got family history. I'm not losing my mind but I'd have alot of fear of it. Nothing in life ever came easy. I was always struggling emotionally. Then came anti-depressants. My first was lithium or Elavil or something. I really can't remember. I was in my 20's. Over a period of about 10 yrs. or more ("I'm not gonna stop and try to figure it out") I was on many, including Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, Serzone, ect. I trusted those doctors. It took me alot of years of hell to figure out I wasn't getting any better and the anxiety was always getting worse. When I finally decided to get rid of them, it took about 2 yrs to get completely off them. It was a living hell. And here I am, 2 yrs. later still suffering. But now I find some people who can relate to my story. I knew I couldn't think straight any more and seem to have no control over "adrenal rushes" and I thought it was just me. I totally screwed up my life some how. After reading some of the stories here, I realize now I'm still recovering and I won't be so hard on my self. I've felt so ashamed I couldn't get a grip on my life and I guess I still do. (I'm letting the tears flow). You see, it's only been a couple of days since I laid in bed and cried and just prayed for help. I can't figure out why this "anxiety and adrenalin thing" is got such a hold on me. The only thing I can figure is that with my mind not working right, I have to struggle more just to get through a day and that creates more anxiety. I know my mind wasn't always like this. I used to work as a secretary in a very busy place. I handled it. Today I feel like a idiot. Last week I went to purchase a cell phone plan. When the guy started explaining the cost and other variations, I followed at first and then totally lost him. It was like I could handle all that info. at once, decifer it, and make a decision. Totally frustrated with myself, I walked out in tears and said I'd have to come back. That was the 3rd. time I was in there. I'm embarassed, I can't go back. Is this the short term memory loss some of you have talked about??? Also having a tough time because I can never look at this computer screen for more than 1/2 hr. at a time without experienceing alot of anxiety. It's like my equilibrium is off. I get like "dizzy". I also can't read or sew or anything requiring that kind of use with my eyes. I've had my eyes checked. I don't need glasses. Does anyone else have anything similar? Let me know. If not it could be from my sinuses and I'll get that checked. To boot, I have no emotionally support at home. I think my husband just thinks I'm stupid or lazy or something. All this emotional crap for so long has left me so so drained. My immune system is shot to hell. I get sick easy. I smoke too much (which I know doesn't help) but I tell hubby this is slow legitimate suicide. He's never said a word about this. I mean in all these yrs. I'm alone. Today I'm in tears just thinking this isn't falling on deaf ears. I realize now that some of my problems are the result of SSRI-antidepressants and not self-inflicted. Lynn Date: Tue Mar 13, 2001 6:36pm Response1: Hi Lynn, Some of the side affects are vertigo. It feels like when you turn your head it takes a while for the brain catchs up. Its like your brain is swimming around in your scull. Thats why it feels like your eye sight. I have also suffered from constant sinus problems and ear aches since I started paxil 4 years ago. Katrina Date: Tue Mar 13, 2001 8:48pm Response2: Hi Lynn, I have that too with the computer screen, it sometimes seems to cause anxiety, its kinda weird, I have heard this alot. I will tell you that I believe that these drugs (SSRIs) take our normal anxiety and times it by 1000. I believe that these drugs intensify our problems. I am very proud of you not giving your son a drug, because believe me the doctors would jump at the chance to give him these poisions. Take care, Cynthia Date: Tue Mar 13, 2001 9:10pm Response3: Hi Lynn, Welcome to the group ! I have the same problems like you do, although less severe because it's been more then 4 years since I reacted extremely bad to Prozac. Still when I work behind a computer screen I get burning eyes (the blurred vision has almost gotten away for me, since I started Ginkgo Biloba)) but more, I get the sensation of a "stone" in my head, along with contractions that radiate behind my nose to my fore teeth. It's definately Prozac related. Be aware that your computer screen radiates ELF (Electromagnetic Low Frequency) which will interact with your "Pineal Gland". The "Pineal Gland" is extremely sensitive for that and I suspect this gland also to be heavily affected by SSRI's Oke, for now I will keep my response short to you. I will warn you for the Kava Kava. It can bring back flashbacks of your SSRI experience. Better stay away from it. Charly Date: Tue Mar 13, 2001 9:59pm Response4: "I get the sensation of a "stone" in my head, along with contractions that radiate behind my nose to my fore teeth." Oh my gosh, Charly, I've had this SAME EXACT sensation and haven't been able to put it into words. Thank you. Robin Date: Tue Mar 13, 2001 10:30pm Response5: The computer screen symptom is certainly a clue as to what SSRI's do. I get migraines, and poor quality computer screens (or video cards) can trigger them. The same is true for epileptics. (Migraineurs and epileptics have brain structure similarities, by the way, when a migraine or seizure occurs, the same sort of random misfiring occurs.) It sounds very much like SSRI's are triggering a reaction similar to migraines and seizures. No wonder people keep commenting about similar withdrawal and on-drug reactions! Heidi Date: Thu Mar 15, 2001 7:26pm Response6: Lynn, PLEASE remember you are not alone now. You have people who understand and have compassion for your trials. Welcome! Chris Date: Thu Mar 15, 2001 10:18pm Response7: You sound like you had attention defecit disorder, and sometimes it is just copin skill that you have to learn to get over it. I too come from a family of mentally ill people, my mom was diag. schizo, then after 20 years of being on valium and liq. valium, she was diag. with manic depression. She died at age 53 becaz of emphysema, so yes it is a way to slowly kill yourself by smoking. I had a lot of things poured on me in the last 5 years. I was on Paxil, Remeron, Trazodone, for the last 5 yrs. I have read the book "Love is a Choice" and it opened my eyes up to why I was so abusive to myself. I had let my house go, my body go, was in danger of losing my job of 15 years and was a zombie around the house. I have been off of the meds for 2 weeks now and am feeling myself again. Still have set backs and brain zaps, and mood swings, but it is better. You are a good person, and you can beat this. You deserve to be treated well by you. Take it one day at a time and focus on what you want to change. For me it was to be a better mother, I had let my kids go as far as discipline. It was hard and they were upset that I was making them mind, but it helped me to see that discipline for everyone is needed to be happy in life. I hope I have helped someway. God bless you, Caroline Date: Thu Mar 15, 2001 11:16pm Response8: Lynn: Your story is much like mine and everyone elses who ever took these drugs. But you can get better. You will get support here and you won't have to fight this alone. We all understand how hopeless and helpless you can feel, but once you figure out the cause, you can start to repair your life. It won't be easy, but it can be done. Cheers to you. Trisha Date: Thu Mar 15, 2001 9:49pm Response9: Hi, your story is not an unusual one. Don't be to hard on yourself or you will just stress and make it worse. My name is Patrick and I too developed many more problems than I ever had before the drugs. The people in this room will help you to get through this rough time. The one thing we will not tell you is it will be easy. This for all of us, has been the biggest challenge we ever have experienced in our lives. We are all healing and trying to get past this. I myself have been off meds for over a year and still exp. my own weird sensations and stuff. Most likely the same as everyone and a little different. Don't let them put your child on drugs. Unless you want to change this childs life forever. And for you, take it easy to stress, and communicate with others in the room. Sorry you had to be another guinea-pig for the drug world. Patrick